A lesson from Bernie Mac...

yesterday i came to watch the movie GUESS WHO? featuring Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher...

and well...

close to the end of the movie, i was ONCE again given a "remark" to remember...

Bernie Mac (persie jones) told Ashton (simon) in the Movie:

"A Man chooses his own destiny, regardless of what his father did."

meaning, you get to chose the life you want. it doesnt mean "you have to follow in the footsteps of your dad"


and with that statement, during the movie, i somehow spaced out a little...

ironic as how i am reminded of my remaining days to finally decide to what my "destiny" would be...


it's amazing how things can happen... and now i know the reason why my brother chose this movie over THE INTERPRETER or SAHARA...

Field of Dreams

when one looks up in the sky and accompanied by silence...
one begins to gather thoughts...

however,
but this didnt happen to me...

yesterday,
i watched a movie entitled Little Black Book and i came to think about a few lines in the movie...
(call me pathetic but this movie is what inspired me to write up this blogg entry !)

and basically what stuck was, the line of Bean to Stacy,
"You Just Gotta Live, Stop Planning your Moves and Let it Happen...You Might be Surprised"

i come to realize what were the "ideal" and "reality"...

my friends tell me i always think too much...
probably the one thing why i worry too much...
but for me, sometimes these thoughts i go through everytime could grant me a good chance to anticipate an event or something like that...

and so,
i came to ponder upon what my ideal dream is...

if it be related to the field of medicine, then i would have 3 specializations...
Internal Medicine / Chiropractor / Veterinary Medicine

that seems alot and all three very much not on the same field but its my IDEAL dream when i get into a medical field...

so if not in medicine, what would i WANT to be then??
a computer engineer that can function as a computer programmer, hardware engineer and/or software developer...

again, a seemingly high end tale of dreams...

but then again, these are the Aspirations...

and so i looked into what IS already at hand... or close at hand...

im in med school...

i passed the so called "hardest" year of entire 4 yr. med school (as according to my cousin) not with flying colors but at least no failures...

i've developed good rapport not only with my groupmates, but to my other classmates, academic staff, and some non-academic staff...

im in the school's paper...
however i lacked "activity" in the actual paper itself, but i think we could work on that...

and giving it up all for a CHANCE in the computer field may not be such a good choice...

i am not saying i've developed more proficiency on medicine than of computers (well sadly, its STILL the other way around..) but...
right now no matter how you look at it...
im already on a CHOSEN Path...

and to turn back MAY not be such a good option...

and in line with my aunt's Luck statement...

in the movie Luck was defined as "When Preparation Meets Opportunity"...

so what were my preparations?? being in a biology course curriculum in college??
my opportunity?? passing all the exams, interviews??
so far... it seemed to have just played out... just like the earlier line
"you gotta live...let it happen"

so now i think about the thing that troubles me every single day after our last exams in 1st year med school...

"would i still be around?"

i think i may have already been given the "help" i needed...

but to conclude now is but rash...

Lost dreams

Lately I’ve been in situations where I’m being indirectly told to continue on in med school…

It seems to be a need and an advantage…

Yet sometimes I wonder… is this what I really want? Can I really see my self have that M.D. at the end of my surname? Or is it just meant for me to be addressed as a plain Mr.

It pains to think that I’ve been in a track record of making wrong decisions…
Yet I also came to put into thought: could these really be wrong? Would these be the actual right ones and what im currently thinking of are the mistaken ones?

I don’t really know the answer to my questions. It seemed I’ve inherited my indecision from my father. And these have left me always in the wrong situation at a right time.

So now I ask myself, what would it be? Decide now or wait till later?
And sadly I’ve been postponing my final decision… that’ll be choosing the latter…

Im not confused, im not scratching my head because I don’t know what lies in each road.

Im undecided to go with what I WANT and what I COULD become… however, as my aunt always said… sometimes Luck is the answer to questions like this… when luck comes to you on a certain path be sure to embrace it… yet could this Luck be the Sign that I’ve longed for? Or simply to put to perspective that balance is in place… I still am the one who can choose… and destiny had left that option open to me? A gift for my deeds? or a punishment so it will breed better experience?

I still don’t know…

Anybody… help me…

Yet I doubt anyone could actually do…

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

Stupor

i closed my eyes and tried to see
how amazing life can be

i closed my eyes and tried to hear
sounds of music that enter my ear

i closed my eyes and tried to feel
everything unlikely surreal

yet when i've come to see the light
it then daunts me and i try to hide
what lurks in plain sight
fears no dark nor daylight

it emits a sound, only i can hear
no footsteps no whisper
but always very near

hiding is futile
running is just play
of what's greater
one can only pray

immortal yet immutable
moral yet unrelenting
when you weaken, its able
it's persistence unending

you cant kill it in reality
yet thought harms it greatly
always resurrected times to many
always returns bringing agony

but in every round you win
you become stronger
it seems like a whim

have i grasped it too deep
that i cant let go
not even in my sleep

each day i try to fight
each day i end to hide
each day it foregoes
another day to torture or so

until i find the will
end its life, i need to kill
end its torment, i should until

and rise again soon not far
dealing its coup de grace...

Definitely not a BORING Summer...

so lately i've been in a daily cycle of playing, exercising, dvd-watching, eating, sleeping, PC-configuring… not in that particular order however.

Boredom for me would making having more sleep time than engaging in “activities” that challenge my mind in a way that I find amusing as well.

So it’s been I think close to 2 weeks since I had my last grasp of anything related to Medicine. And all I can say is that, I LOVE IT!!!

No books to read, no Exams to worry about, no assignments/reports to do, not even needing to worry what will happen the following day.
And I get to sleep whenever I like… and wake up whenever as well.

I may not be out there bathing in the sun with great bodies of water or venturing to new cultures outside of our own, I am enjoying my break so far…

This further leads me to question:

“why have a lot of my friends and classmate deem this summer to be boring, yet while there was still school they were hoping it to end…”

And some even preferred to be back in school…

Ironic isn’t it?

Probably this could only indicate how they could have possible placed a major focus on studies in med school while I could have not… then again I could be wrong…

Oh well… there are always different PERSONAL satisfaction… and to me… this is the life…

A Case series study of my 1st yr. performance…

So I have done an analysis of my performance this 1st year in med school.

So it’s PBL… so that means, you have to study on your own.

So how’d I do??

For starters, I came to the conclusion that of all the modules we had my grade fell on a range of 81-84 only.. that’s 2.5-2.25 in equivalent.

I excluded the fact that I got a 3.0 in Gastrointestinal module simply because I wasn’t putting enough effort in it… since it came together with Christmas vacation and it was still a time that I’m so darn excited with playing MU…

Anyway, in my correlate quizzes, I cant really say I did well… well actually I don’t think I did…

In practical anatomy lab exams, I think I only failed 3 or 4 of them…

In tutorial quizzes, I had my fair share of failed and close to perfected quizzes…

In tutorial processes, I had a lot of preceptors telling me I’m “silent”… only meaning I was not able to prepare for the discussion well enough…

In other lab works, reports, and quizzes, I did fairly well…

So it all boils down to a simple question…

So how’d I do??

Well…
Not quite well… there may some parts where I excel in… and some I really don’t show any skill in…

But “a bit of both” isn’t suffice in med school…

A Missed Event...

so yesterday was the supposed last of red cross training for my fellow classmates who werent able to take it earlier in the 1st sem...

i took some small time to go through and see how they were in their clusters...

and even in just a few minutes... they seem to be enjoying it alot...

probably because of the crowd...

and since it's the last thing for the year, there's already this bond between people...

*sigh*

that was the MASS casualty day too...

an "event" where students are made to apply all what they have learned (e.g. transfer, bandaging, leadership skills, sharpness of mind, etc.)... some were designated to be first aiders, some rescuers, some VICTIMS... yes... when one is chosen to be a victim you get the most.. uh... colorful effect on your limbs... or could be a whole body... hehehehe...

it's sad that i wasnt able to go and see how the event turned out.
however, feedback to me was that it was such a nice "spectacle"...

even bystanders or those 'pass-by-ers' had to stay and see what was happening...


i heard too lots of the guys "showcased" their "builts" which made alot of the women seem happy... ahehehehehe...

anyway, my last recall of our version of that event when we took it in the 1st sem (during neuro module) was that i was a rescuer... and damn, that was too hard!! especially since we werent as much... i too remember how my arms and legs were paralyzed after that event... i couldnt get up from bed, due to pain and well... immobile limbs.

i can recount those days when i finally understood why some patients in their so called "death-beds" or bed-ridden ones would rather die than stay in that position... you can't blame them...
there's so much you cannot do when you cant move your arms or legs...


*sigh*

i will miss those days... and yesterday too...

if probably the car wasn't in number-coding scenario i may have probably went there... oh well...


hope my classmates, did fine...